I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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