i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
