guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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