I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
