Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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