Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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