she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
