I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
