Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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