my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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