i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
