My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
