Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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