Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My breasts were aching with rage.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
