1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
