i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
