he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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