How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
