I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
