Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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