i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
