If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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