I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
