the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
