is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
that is very illegal...i love you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
