Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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