you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
