I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
