Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
