I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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