I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
