He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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