fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
