k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
