can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
