Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
