Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
