we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
