drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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