i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
