I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
