At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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