I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
