dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
