Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
