i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
