The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
