Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
