Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
