your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
